Mai 22, 2011

For our friendz in the People's Republic of China

Magash! Magash to everybody, every single man, woman anda child anda domestic animalz and otha animalz in whole worldz! Magash to the plantz anda to the stones anda the elementary beingz! If you, dear reader, watch the lida worldmap on thiz blog, you will see so many spotz all over the world people are reading us. Today, we had alot of viewz from our brothas anda sistas in Hongkong. Now Hongkong is a city with a special status in the Notsofree anda VeryOlda Republic of China. For you, anda also for all citizenz in the rest of China, the Free anda EverYoung Republic of Uribistan sendz you peace, love anda ofcourse lotz of freedom, with two lida videoz. Overstreamingz!

Mai 21, 2011


Magash! Well, it is late now in Uribistan, full moon is shining big over our holy Makarat mountain (thiz is real mountain Noah came with his big boat anda his animalz. 'Ararat' is a wrong writing - but because thiz mountain is much more known as our Makarat..and so on.. it does not matta). From our patio in the Hamasheyk Institute of Cyberneticz I enjoy thiz wonderful moment. But, I hava to weep a litta, without my bastardbrotha Murat Joy Tchundyk, still being emprisoned in Guantanamo - just for helping someone to carry an IKEA-Billy regal! They are completely nutz, those Americans!.

But in fact, we love America. We donta love American politicz, but we love America anda know lotz of nice Americanz. Anda: they always hava nice anda big surprisez. Here is a video-advertizement from an institute, doing same thingz as we are practising since, well, since Adam and Eve, in Uribistan anda in our Hamasheyk Institute. Justa listen anda view:

Mai 19, 2011

Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the (almost) true story: OPERATION HOTDOG

Dearezt Readerz! On his website, Terra Canaillo, our friend in Djermanistan, Joseph Canaillo, wrote the (almost) true story about the Dominique Strauss-Kahn case. We thinka it's interesting stuff for our readerz in the english speaking world. We hava tranzlated it in Uribi-English. At the end of the article from Joseph, we copied a comment to an article on Spiegel-Online, written in english by a man called Tom Heneghan, living in the USA. 

 I thinka: Joseph Canaillo has a great fantasy, that becomes reality, and reality is more fantastic as fantasy.
Agent Morris (name has been changed) instructed that lida chick only one day before. It took a few weekz, but after all, they found her quickly, the right woman for the job. She was small, graceful and black - exactly the proper lida fruity girl for Hotdog. Furthermore well endowed with performing skilz, in a certain way sexy, with enough power to fend off a presumptuouz guy.
One week before, she started her job at Sofitel (New York). Agent Morris' chiefz knew, thiz could be a weak point in their construction, if someone would make some investigationz, but, she was the best, and time was running away.  She was very cool, although, a bitty nervouz too: tomorrow would be X-Day.

Hotdog is ripe. Agent Morris gives her 5000,- US $. After completing the action, she becomes anotha 5000,- US $. Agent Morris is laughing maliciously, yes, it's possible, afta the thing, she may receive a compensation over 250.000,- $ minimum (a good deal: as we know, she lives in a house for HIV-positiv peoplez, Marat Tch. Gundo).

Agent Morris explainz the procedure, without unveiling the real identity of Hotdog. Early in the morning, there is a 100 % chance that Hotdog wil take a shower or takes a bath. They will let her know, by the internal callsystem, to clean suite 2806. Immediately she has to make his bed, bending forward in some kind of obnoxiouz way, making it possible to hava deep insightz in the back and at the front. Saying thiz, Agent Morris grins. Also, in this hotel, for the roomservice, not so common, she has to wear a low neckline. Hot sexy underpantz are very good, but no thong, for Hotdog, thongz are too vulgar. She has to maka lotz of noice, so Hotdog has to take notice.
In America, the USA, Hotdog actz more cautiously than usual. He will come to look what is happening. He doesn't suspect, someone is in his suite. Normally it would be impossible.
Seeing her (it's highly probable he is unclothed, because he likes it walking naked in the morning in his appartment), he will be astonished, only for a short moment, there is no more time to think: there will be a mental blackout in his kinky brainz. Look at him with an amazed expression, smile and target his ding-dong. Excuse yourself, you didn't know he was there, show a very innocent look. His cock growz as hard as granite. We know him, we hava his complete psychological profile. We know what makes him tick. He is a hot dog. He will grasp you between your legz, feeling you up, hard breathing. Firzt smile at him, don't struggle, just say, you don't want thiz.  He will be clean gone. Smile anotha time at him, just say something lika 'no, not like thiz..', pucker your lips. Take care, he can look at your bazookas. Now, he getz outrageously batshit insane! His Lida John explodez! He only thinkz: penetrate! Now, struggle with him, kick him in his whirlygigs. Now, we hava a more difficult action: you must take care, that he touchez you in a hard way, clutching you tight, scraping - afta thiz, just go, go! Immediately you have to go to the police. Hotdog is very smart, Hotdog will try to fly away as soon as possible. In the way, his winky getz smaller, he will realize, a very dirty game has been played with him...

Anda here we hava the article found between readerz-commentz at Spiegel-Online: 
Tom Heneghan
International Intelligence Expert
Sunday May 15, 2011
United States of America – It can now be reported that the U.S. Senate Banking Committee has recommended criminal prosecution of the gangster investment bank and brokerage Goldman Sachs, as well as the notorious criminal financial giant J. P. Morgan.
The criminal referrals have been sent to the U. S. Justice Department and now sit on the desk of compromised U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder.
The criminal referrals not only name Goldman Sachs and J. P. Morgan but former President George W. Bush, former Bush Administration U.S. Treasury Secretary Henry ‘Hank’ Paulson, former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan, former Speaker of the House Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi, and U.S. Secretary of State and former New York Senator, Hillary Rodham Clinton.
Item: Attorney General Holder, who was linked to the pardon of noted Bush-Clinton Crime Family Syndicate bagman Marc Rich, is now in a box with sources close to the New York Post reporting that both Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein and J.P. Morgan CEO Jamie Dimon are about to be indicted by a New York Federal Grand Jury.
Reference: The indictments deal with a violation of the New York state “bucketing” law which forbids false misrepresentation in the sales marketing of derivatives.
Note: And now the plot now thickens. A great deal of the evidence submitted to the Senate Banking Committee, as well as New York state prosecutors, was supplied to them by none other than the current President of the International Monetary Fund and soon to be French Presidential candidate, Dominique Strauss-Kahn.
It is therefore no coincidence that at 4:40 p.m. yesterday, May 14th, Strauss-Kahn was removed from a departing flight and arrested early this morning by New York police and charged with sexual assault of a chambermaid who worked at the Sofitel hotel in New York City near Times Square.
Note: What is also interesting about these events surrounding Strauss-Kahn is that for whatever reason Strauss-Kahn’s diplomatic immunity was revoked by the U.S. State Department 24 hours BEFORE the alleged sexual incident occurred at the Sofitel hotel.
Item: The U.S. Secretary of State, of course, is none other than Hillary Rodham Clinton, who is now a subject of the aforementioned investigation triggered by evidence given to Federal and State prosecutors by none other than Strauss-Kahn.
I will leave it to the readers of this intelligence briefing to come to their own conclusion concerning this strange event.

And now the plot thickens even more!

We can now divulge that major felony charges have been prepared by Justice Department investigators that accuse the aforementioned members of the Bush Administration, including others, as well as Goldman Sachs and the Bank of America, in the illegal diversion of $1.5 TRILLION tied to the Wanta-Reagan-Mitterrand Protocols, which were taxes owed to the U.S. Treasury.
I can’t find anything more about this when I do a search. Perhaps the people behind the screen have put a block on a search with both Strauss-Kahn and Goldman Sachs in the same less
Here it ends..

Mai 13, 2011

Sweet Home is far away

Magash my frändyis!
It is a hot here and in the evenings there isa thunder and lightning over the Carribean Sea. We the band " The knocked out jailbirds" are having an afroamericained warden who is our fränd Mr. Lueitenant Seargent Jackson from the bronx. He someteimes gives us some Cuban Cigars, some amps some intruments and some green substances from the Mexican Sierra Madre in order to taste the american dream of being completely free and in pursuit of Happiness but it is justa dream. Anyway you maybe realized that the bloggers on google are havin big problems hahaha Achmed is doing a great job of hacking the world wide web. Sorry folks Achmed is done with maintenace we hava now Internet on an etherick electric booty level.
Here is little tower where Mr. Jackson lives and he really likes our new music and promised us a record deal and recording sessions in the Abbey Roads. Thanks Jacko!
Listen to our new borderline music! Enjoy and send us some greetings here in Guantanamo!
His Holine$$
Murat Joy Tchundyk Sweet Home is far away by Tchundyk Productions

Mai 10, 2011

HH MURAT J. TCHUNDYK ROCKS GUANTANAMO! Uribi Jailhouse Guantanamo Punk.

In Uribi-english:

Magash! Dearezt readerz in whole wide worldz! We already publiced the newz HH Murat Joy Tchundyk was kidnapped by the CIA, directly in Uribistan! Thiz is a severe attack on the Uribi integrity! He was brought to Guantanamo. HH Murat helped Bin Laden taking an IKEA Billy regal to his home (read here). HH Murat did not know Bin Laden, he only knew the nice guy, selling him for two weeks an IKEA Gutvik loftbed. Also he helped him.

But now we hava firzt picz anda musix from HH Murat! Togetha with his co-prisonerz he makez good Uribi-Guantanamopunk. On the pic (made with a hidden camera, there are about tree fences between us), you see at the left Hassan playing drumz, HH Murat playing a Godin-electroaccustic bass guitar, Ali playing a Fender Telecaster guitar anda Abu Malik playing saxophon (clicka to enlarge image). We thinka even the amis lika HH Murat's sound, they put outside the fences some Orange-equipment to maka groovy fat sound. In jail they also maka great Lightshow. Overstreamingz!

In Djermanistani:

Magash! Liebs Leser in Ganz Welten! Wir hatten beraits Nachricht geschrieben, HH Murat Joy Tchundyk is durch CIA entführt, gerade aus Uribistan! Natürlich das ist ernste Attacke auf Uribistani Integrität! Er wurde gebracht Guantanamo. HH Murat nur hielf Bin Laden mitnehmen IKEA Billy Regal nach Hause (Herrmann Finkelsteen schrieb, lese hier). HH Murat kannte nicht Bin Laden, er nur kannte lieber Mensch ihm vor zwai Wochen haben verkauft IKEA Gutvik Hochbett. Jetzt er ihn geholfen haben.

Aber jetzt wir haben erste Bild und Musik von HH Murat! Mit zusammen andere Gefangenen er macht gut Uribi-Guantanamopunk musik! Auf dem Bild (gemacht mit verborgenen kamera, es sind noch 3 Gitterzaun zwischen uns), du sehen links Hassan spielen drumz, HH Murat spielen Godin-elektroakkustik Bassgitarre, Ali spielen Fender Telecaster Gitarre, und Abu Malik spielen Tenorsaxophon (du klicken, Bild größer). Wir vermuten Amis lieben auch HH Murat Sound, außerhalb Gitter sie haben gestellt Orange Verstärker und Boxen für groovy fett Klang. Sie machen auch großartig Lichtshow. Overstreamingz!

Guantanamo by Tchundyk Productions

Mai 09, 2011

New factz about faked killing of Osama Bin Laden

Magash! Ofcourse Uribistan is now in all newspaperz anda tv-stationz, afta making public that Osama bin Laden lived in Hamasheyk, working in a IKEA-shop, died by the break togetha of a Billy regal (thiz real story you find a here in Uribi-english, anda here you finda original in Djermani from Herrmann Finkelsteen).
Ofcourse, Americanz donta like thiz: they wanna hava the dubiouz honour having killed him in his house in Pakistan. Now they gave some videoz with an Osamalike man zapping his TV anda some speachez. Fresh Franky, one of our readerz, gave on Terra Canaillo link to thiz nice video:


Mai 05, 2011


Magash! Our friend Josie Canaillo, from the Terra Canaillo tribe, made beautiful bloody trash movie! I thinka, The Return of the Ghost of Osama Bin Laden, shown in lotz of splatter festivalz, will maka good prices anda honourationz. It is very realistic, whit lotz of known B-actorz. Overstreamingz!
(If yo wanna see the filmposter in bigger size, just clicka on it).

Mai 04, 2011

The truth about the end of Osama Bin Laden: dead by the Koran (Uribi-English version)

Dearezt readerz of The Uribistan Daily, the online-newzpaper of The Free anda EverYoung Republic of Uribistan! Our correspondent, the great Herrmann Finkelsteen, a djerman in Uribistan, wrote in our newzletter a sensational article about the tragical ending of Osama bin Laden. I try now to tranzlate thiz article in common Uribi english, because the gouvernment anda peoplez in Uribistan thinka that whole world have to know real circumstancez of the tragical dying of our arabian special guest in Uribistan. In thiz Uribi english version you will finda some lida new informationz, we received afta Herrmann F. wrote his article. Ofcourse thiz changes nothing at all. Here we go!

We hava informationz from inner circlez of our USA (Uribi Secret Agency), that today, early in the morning, Osama Bin Laden has been killed by an accident, just building togetha hiz own Billy-bookstorage rack from IKEA* (you can also hava look at the site of our friendz in Djermanistan, Terra Canaillo: Osama did some advertizing with Billy-bookcasez). It happened in hiz secret home in the Uribi Lowlandz. He lived her for about six yearz. It seems that the mighty Koranbookz, Koran anda commentariez, which he already put on the top of the bookstorage rack before completing it, were so heavy, that the whole Billy-bookcase broke togetha, the bookz anda the falling construction of the bookstorage rack caused a very severe skull fracture. He died immediately, so Dr. Habib Mas Yuk, pathologist from the Biological Institute for Cyberneticz in Hamasheyk. Dr. Habib Mas Yuk made the postmortem examination.
The branch office manager from our Hamasheyk IKEA shop (mister Buyuda Tchopp) was very shocked, afta he came to know what was happening with mister Bin Laden anda the Billy-bookcase.  Some expertz (interior designerz, working in the Hamasheyk Institute for Furniture History, Alif Hapsa M.A. anda Chalila Kwamp, M.A., Architect) are strongly confident, that mister Bin Laden did not fix the crossing laths on the back of the Billy-bookstorage rack according to the specifationz written in the instructionz manual.

Uribi security forces are positioned in the neighbourhood of IKEA-shopz in Uribistan (we hava six of them!), because the gouvernment is worried about retaliatory measures of Al Quaida. There are good reasonz for thiz, because in Dschelalabad, at the border of Waziristan, already public burning of Billy-bookstorage racks was made spontaneously by a furious mob.

Meanwhile, anotha very bad information trickled through in the capital of Uribistan: His Holiness (anda my bastardbrotha - annotation of Marat Tchundyk Gundo, tranzlater) Murat Joy Tchundyk was NOT, as everybody in Uribastan was for sure, for an official journey in the Vatican (the beatification of pope John Paul II), even was NOT in India (to participate in the funeral of his colleague-guru Sai Baba), but he iwas brought back to Guantanamo! Yearz ago, he had a lida scholarship for an education-course in Guantanamo, given by renowned teacherz anda waterboarderz from the USA (here: United States of America).
It seems, we hava informationz from our Secret Mountain Service, CIA-functionaries burglarized in his house in the Uribi Highlandz, and brought him, afta giving him an injection with heavy psychiatric drugz, againzt his free will outside his beloved country!  His family is deeply shocked. Selimara, the daughter of our beloved Uribi Holy Man, has to be cured in pediatric psychiatry.
Until now, the american gouvernment did not give any official statement to thiz inhuman act. In Hamasheyk, a co-working whistle-blower said to us, it has to do with the fact, our Holiness Murat Joy Tchundyk, conveyed to Bin Laden a job in the Hamasheyk IKEA-store!
Anda, thiz is very hot newz: togetha with Osama he abstracted this damned IKEA-bookstorage rack afta shop closing time. It was an infantile act of protest againzt the low-wage he earned for his hard work at IKEAs.
Until now, the IKEA headquarterz in Sweden did not react on the reproachez.
Anotha fact is, that Bin Ladens family retained mister  Fagan, rainmaker from New York, to bring an action againzt IKEA: the right square wrench, designed to fix the crossing laths on the back, and normaly part of the delivery, was not supplied! One of Osamas wives told to Herrmann Finkelsteen, it was the firzt time, she heard him swearing.  "What do you thinka?' the family Imam said to otha journalistz in Uribistan, 'He was swearing, in front of an IKEA-Billybookstorage rack, not fixed at all, full of Koranz. Ofcourse our Holy Book takes revenge. Immediately, absolutely!"

IKEA has to pay to Bin Ladens family in Uribistan, 10 millionz of Uribi$. The insurance company of the Bin Laden family, in Zürich (Switzerland), assumed that this will bring a very complicated court case for everybody. Firzt, it must be cleared Osama's dead is attributed by the Koranbookz or by the lacking of the square wrench.  .

Meanwhile, every normal citizin of Uribistan is shocked, hearing Bin Laden lived for such a long time without problemz in Uribistan.

The workers in the Hamasheyk-IKEA store told us, mister Osama Bin Laden was always acting warmhearted and good-natured to the customerz. They forgive him, being not so skillful building up the exhibition pieces.

Herrmann Finkelsteen (traduct. Marat Tchundyk Gundo)

Well, Osama, RIP in Uribistan. Anda for our readerz in the whole worldz: good overstreamingz!

*IKEA: very big furniture-inperium from Sweden. Makes lotz of Billy-bookstorage racks.

Mai 02, 2011

Bin Laden stirbt durch den Koran

Wie aus gut unterrichteten Kreisen der USA (UribiSecret Agency) bekanntwurde, ist heute in den Morgenstunden Osaman Bin Laden beim Aufbau seines Billyregal von IKEA ( Terra Canaillo berichtete davon ausführlich) in seinem Unterschlupf den Uribi Lowlands tödlich verunglückt. Anscheinend führten die herunterfallenden Koranbücher zu einer Schädelfraktur, wie ein uribischer Gerichtsmediziner nach gründlichen Untersuchungen mit Hilfe des Biologischen Institut für Kybernetik in Hamasheyk feststellte. Der Fillialleiter von der Hamasheyker IKEA Filliale war nach der Bekanntwerdung des tragischen Unfalls sichtlich schockiert. Experten glauben, dass Herr Bin Laden, die sich überkreuzenden Querlatten auf der Rückseite des Billyregals nicht ordnungsgemäss befestigt hatte. Uribische Sicherheitskräfte haben sich nun bei all den IKEA Filialen zusammengezogen, da Vergeltungsmassnahmen von Al Kaida befürchtet werden müssen. In Dschelalabad nahe der Grenze zu Waziristan kam es schon zu öffentlichen Verbrennungen des Billyregals. Inzwischen sind auch Meldungen durchgesickert, dass His Holine$$ Murat Joy Tchundyk sich nicht wie bisher angenommen im Vatikan oder in Indien aufhalten soll, da er der Seligsprechung des ersten polnischen Papstes beiwohnte oder bei der Beerdigung Sai Babas weilte, sondern wieder zurück in Guatanamo ist, wo er vor Jahren schon ein kleines Erziehungsprogramm gratis von den U.S.A. also den Vereinigten Staaten Americas bekommen hatte. Anscheinend sind CIA Beamte in sein Haus in den Uribi Highlands eingebrochen und haben ihn gegen seinen Willen ausser Landes geflogen. Die Familie steht unter Schock, vor allem Selimara die Tochter Seiner Heiligkeit ist nun in Jugendpsychiatrischer Begleitung. Bisher gab es noch keine öffentliche Erklärung der amerikanischen Regierung dazu, jedoch wird vermutet, dass er Bin Laden einen Job bei der Hamasheyker IKEA Filiale vermittelte und zusammen mit ihm das Billy Regal nach der Ladenöffnungszeit entwendete, aus Protest für den billigen Lohn den er anscheinend erhielt. Schwedens IKEA Zentrale wollte sich zu den Vorwürfen nicht äussern. Anscheinend hat die Familie Bin Ladens den Staranwalt Fagan aus New York damit beauftragt IKEA zu verklagen, da der passende Vierkantschlüssel zum Befestigen der Querlatten nicht mitgeliefert wurde. Eine seiner Frauen berichtete einem unserer Reporter, dass sie zum ersten Mal Bin fluchen hörte. "Kein Wunder also dass der Koran an ihm Rache genommen hat " wie der Familien Iman vertrauten Presseleitern in Uribistan anvertraute .Ikea müsste demnach 10 Millionen Uribi$ den Hinterbliebenen bezahlen. Die Versicherungsfirma der Familie Bin Ladens, die ihren Sitz in Zürich hat, geht davon aus, dass ein komplizierter Prozess auf alle Beteiligten zu komme, da die Frage geklärt werden muss, ob die Koranbücher oder der fehlende Vierkantschlüssel die Todesursache waren.
Der gemeine Uribier auf der Strasse zeigt sich schockiert, dass Bin Laden so problemlos in Uribistan untertauchen konnte.
Die Arbeiter der Hamasheyker IKEA Filiale meinten, er sei stets freundlich zu den Kunden gewesen, auch wenn er schon beim Aufbau der Ausstellungsstücke grosse praktische Defizite gezeigt hätte.